A Thousand Little Deaths
by Pretty P
Summary: She was trapped in one moment in time for all eternity, watching the world bloom and perish around her. Kagome centered. Drabbleish.
1. Use Me

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Inuyasha, its plot, or any of it's characters. They are the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi.

AN/ I know it's not an update for Petals Falling (yes, I changed the name. Sorry.) For information on how it's coming along, you can go to my blog. The link's on my bio page.

This will be a series of drabble-ish chapters. They are all part of the same storyline and all ultimately tie together. It could be a complete fanfic if I had the time and patience to write it. But I don't. So it is a drabble series. Sorry.

Suggested Listening: "All of This" by Blink-182

Summary: By the moonlight, he gives her life.

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**A Thousand Little Deaths **

_Use Me _

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The glowing cerulean eyes of the wolf loomed over her as he covered her with his body. His hand wandered over her plump breasts, her trim waist, down her leg to grip her calf and pull her leg up to better angle himself at her entrance. With one quick thrust he was moving inside her and setting flame to her chilled flesh.

His lips trailed over the milky column of her throat, sweeping away the sorrow he smelled there and coaxing the life he felt still glowing like tiny embers in her soul. With sweet whispers and soft kisses, he pulled it from the emptiness until it was there, roiling like a wild fire just beneath the surface. His eyes moved from the junction where their bodies met to see her beautiful face contorted in pleasure. To see her like this… this is what he lived for.

Her breath came in pants, rolling out in clouds in the cool autumn air to the rhythm of their love-making. Pale, delicate hands meandered over the hard chest of the man above her. His skin was hot to the touch, almost painful to her numb fingers. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on what he was doing to her, how he made her feel.

With every kiss he stole her life and with every thrust he gave it back.

She reached down and stroked him as his thrusting came faster. Her answer was a low, animalistic growl as he buried his nose in her hair and inhaled deeply. "Kagome," he moaned. The love she heard there killed her.

Tears stung her eyes as he slammed into her harder. His thrusts became more desperate and frantic as he strove to reach his peak with her. She dug her dull nails into his muscled back and pulled him down to clutch him to her as they shattered together.

It lasted only a moment and then he was lying beside her, slinging a strong, tan arm around her waist and pulling her small body against himself. They laid there under the black sky, the only light from the crescent moon that looked down on them in regret. As Kagome stared up at the mocking form of the silver sentry, shame welled to the surface and formed a hard lump in her throat. Was this what she had become?

Silently, she rolled away from the warm cocoon of Kouga's arms and began to pull on the green hakama and white kimono that had been her usual dress for the last century or so. She heard rustling from behind her as the wolf sat up and reached over to help her pull the fabric up over one smooth, white shoulder.

"Where are you going now?" His gruff voice she remembered from so long ago, when her adventure had just begun, was gone with so many other things she had loved, worn smooth with time and grief. It wasn't the same as it had once been, and it never would be again. Not since…

"I don't know," her shoulders rolled with a shrug as she stood and tied the hakama around her hips. She looked back over her shoulders with the same sad, blue eyes she'd had for as long as Kouga could remember. He'd seen her like this for so long, it was difficult to recall a time when her eyes had not held that tangible, gray sorrow. Every time she came to him, it seemed they grew duller and duller, a bit of their light being stolen with each life that passed before her.

The wolf's eyes roved over her now covered form. He watched, entranced as she pulled her wavy onyx hair away from her face and tied it back with a green ribbon. Despite the obvious lack of aging, she had changed so much. Her body was living, but her spirit was dying.

"Stay with me," he told her. He always said that when she was about to leave.

And as always, she shook her head sadly. "You have Ayame, Kouga-kun," she told him softly, her voice barely above a whisper. A bitter smile lifted the corners of her lips. "I don't think she would take kindly to another woman in her bed."

"But I love_ you_." The light of the moon cast a silver glow over the black silk that spilled over his shoulders. She looked into his eyes and felt as if she was looking into the sun. If she tried, she could imagine they were gold…

Guilt rose inside her like a torrent. She tried to swallow it, but only choked on it. He breathed life into her with his heated kisses and passionate caresses. And just as easily, he killed her again with those words he spoke so sincerely.

The miko lowered her head, trying to hide the shame she knew was reflected in her eyes. Why did he have to look at her like that? As if she mattered? "I know, Kouga-kun," she sighed brokenly.

The clearing was silent again, and she took this as a dismissal. Grabbing her bow from where it was propped against a nearby tree, she turned and disappeared into the forest, leaving her hope with the man she left behind in the moonlight.


	2. For Now

AN/ Just to make this clear, because it's confusing the hell out of even me, these chapters are all single moments in time of the same story. They are all related and take place in the same universe. They might not be completely in order, but they are all part of the same plot. The reason they are in a drabble-type form is because there are several years, sometimes decades of inactivity in between each chapter. Because the whole thing takes place over many centuries. Just to make that clear. Thank you.

Suggested Listening: Elvis Presley's "Blue Moon"

Summary: She could allow herself this small comfort, if only for now.

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**A Thousand Little Deaths**

_For Now_

_-_

Kagome hummed lightly to herself as she searched the surrounding trees for a splash of bright magenta that would indicate the presence of the exalted reishi. There was a busy trading village just north that paid a high bounty for these "mushrooms of immortality." And right now she and her apprentice, a young girl named Akika, desperately needed the money.

The miko had come across a frightened little human girl while passing through a village desecrated by a band of human thieves. Her family had been slaughtered; she'd been the only survivor in the little farming community.

Kagome had befriended many humans over her unnaturally long lifetime, and had seen all of them bloom, wither, and perish before her. Sango, Miroku, their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. Every one of them. But not her.

She was trapped in one moment in time for all eternity. Her skin would never wrinkle, her eyes would never fail her, her muscles would stay fit and firm, her mind sharp and her reflexes quick. Her body was at the peak of its physical condition and would stay that way… forever.

Eleven years ago, knowing she'd suffer again the pain of watching yet another companion grow old and die before her, she'd taken in the little girl called Akika.

She'd been weak and entirely dependent on her for a long while, as all humans were. She'd been quiet and polite, but had not come out of the shell of trauma the thieves had helped build when they slew her parents and brothers that night.

But with a little coaxing, she'd emerged back into the world and taken on the responsibilities of an apprentice miko. She'd learned to read, to make and cast ofuda, to pull her innate spiritual powers to the surface to form barriers, to wield the bow with accuracy, and to make simple medicines from wild herbs.

She had grown and bloomed into a beautiful young woman.

Kagome looked to her right. A few meters away, she could see the form of her companion, dressed in red miko's garb, searching through the greenery for these illusive reishi. She smiled as the girl caught her foot on a low-lying root and nearly tripped. She reminded Kagome of her younger self sometimes with her clumsy tendencies.

"Are you alright, Ka-chan?" She always used the nickname when she was in a good mood. And today was a beautiful day.

The girl nodded as she reached down to readjust her sandal. "Yes, Kagome-sama," she recited politely. She laughed sheepishly. "I'm such a klutz." It was a word she'd picked up from the miko in their travels. Kagome had a lot of strange words, in fact.

The older miko smiled indulgently and began to weave her way through the trees to her. "Let's stop for lunch, okay? I'm getting hungry."

Kagome watched as a smile brightened her pretty face and her dark eyes lit upon her. The girl nodded enthusiastically and began looking for firewood.

Later that night, Kagome watched across the fire as Akika painted neat kanji onto the small pieces of paper she used for ofuda. The characters came with practiced ease and flowed down the paper in black rivulets. Her penmanship was remarkable.

Standing, the miko walked around the fire to kneel beside her. Looking up from the paper, the younger girl caught Kagome's azure eyes with her own russet orbs. Her face was deceptively kind and very pretty with high cheeks and small, plump cherry lips. It was the same constant, unaltering face she had looked to for guidance and comfort for most of her childhood. Her mentor and caregiver's lack of aging and miraculous healing abilities which she had witnessed first-hand on numerous occasions throughout the years had led to many questions on her part. Questions which largely went unanswered.

Akika knew that the miko was not entirely human, as many believed her to be. And she knew that for some reason, youkai were attracted to her in droves. Several times weekly they faced youkai seeking out the Miko of the Shikon no Tama; bloodthirsty, power-hungry, _mad_ creatures they were. But they were fodder for a powerful priestess like Kagome.

Sometimes, Akika thought she could recall her grandmother telling her when she was very young about a legendary miko who guarded a precious jewel that would grant immeasurable power to those with darkness in their heart. It was said that the woman could purify a youkai's soul out of existence with a wave of her hand. Sometimes, Akika thought Kagome might be that legendary woman.

Heat rose to her cheeks as the miko raised her hand to tuck a stray lock of dark auburn hair behind her ear and smiled gently at her.

"Have I told you how proud I am of you, Ka-chan?" Kagome whispered softly. Her eyes shined with pride and warmed the younger girl as the fire crackling softly in the center of the clearing could not.

Akika's cheeks darkened as she averted her eyes in embarrassment. Even so, a smile lifted her rosy lips. "I am what I am today because of your guidance, Kagome-sama. I would never have been able to be anything more than a poor farmer's daughter if you hadn't found me."

Tears rose to Kagome's eyes as she wrapped her arms around the girl's thin shoulders and held her tightly to herself. Just this once, she could hold on a little longer. Soon, in a few years perhaps, Akika would begin a slow decline, a gradual descent into death as all humans did. And Kagome would leave before that happened. She always did.

But for now, she could hold Akika. And she could be content.


	3. No Escape

AN/ Sorry, I've been having trouble writing lately and this is the best I could do.

Written to: Nelly's "Say Now"

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**A Thousand Little Deaths**

_No Escape_

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He couldn't remember how many years it had been since she had last visited him. A decade, perhaps two. It seemed like an eternity since he'd seen her face and felt her skin flush beneath his fingertips.

His pack had prospered and grown stronger over the years. They were gaining power and respect. They were doing well. His miko was not.

Rumors were circulating of the wandering miko in green. A few generations ago, she had been known to the humans all across the land as the Great Guardian of the Shikon no Tama. But now, the humans were becoming industrialized. They were forgetting their heritage and their forebears.

Four days ago she had stumbled into his den in a daze. He'd smelled her coming miles away, but could not run to her as he had wanted to so badly lest he raise suspicions among his pack.

The pungent stench of alcohol clung to her and tear tracks stained her face. She was pallid, thin, and spectral. "Kouga-kun!" she had choked as she fell into his arms. She sobbed into his chest armor and all he could do was stroke her tangled hair comfortingly, looking back at his mate in apprehension.

"They killed her, Kouga-kun." And she looked up at him with sad, lost eyes. He had never felt so misplaced. He had comforted her as best he could, all the while feeling the heated glare of Ayame on his back.

A warm summer breeze lifted the flat, lackluster locks of ebon from her shoulders, billowing through the sullied white sleeves of her kimono. Kouga had taken away her bottle and the last bit of alcohol had worked itself out of her system.

And now she just sat on this cliff outside the wolf's den, pondering the gaping hole in her heart where her companion Akika had once lived. Why did she let it get this far? She knew this would happen, had told herself time and again. And now…

What was left?

The tinkling laughter of children drifted from the entrance of the cave as the youngest of the eastern wolf clan rose from their sleep and began to stir. She heard the approaching footsteps and the growing voices of the children. Turning slightly, she was mildly surprised to see the leader of this clan take a seat beside her, letting his long, tanned legs dangle over the edge next to hers.

For a long time, there was only the sound of the children and their games. Then…

"What now?"

For the longest time, she could not remember his voice. But, to hear it now… Oh, how it hurt.

Tears stung her eyes again, and she turned her face away from his, into the wind. He'd seen enough of her weakness. "I don't know. For a while, it was… it was almost okay."

He said nothing. What was there to say?

He watched her in silence for a while, her hair rising on the wind to obscure her features from him.

"Miko-sama!" they heard one of the children call from behind them. They both turned to see a little red-haired girl running towards them with a handful of colorful seashells. When she neared, Kagome could clearly see the resemblance to her mother, Ayame. The little cub had her hair, her brilliant blue eyes. But, her confident grin, Kagome thought fondly, was definitely from her father.

"Miko-sama, Taa-chan and I found these on the beach. I wanted to give them to you!" the little girl told her, holding out the assortment of shells to the older woman with a sweet smile.

Kagome smiled a bitter smile and accepted the offering. "Thank you Ao-chan. They are very beautiful."

The girl flashed her a grin, one that reminded her so much of the man sitting beside her, and ran off back to the other children. Kagome carefully laid the shells beside her and once again looked out into the forest below her.

'_This is so wrong. I shouldn't be here. Ayame, she has been so kind to me. But… my God, what am I doing here?' _She was living amongst the family of her former lover. His mate was serving her tea, his children were bringing her gifts. And he… he was acting as though nothing had ever happened. Nothing had ever happened between them.

She spoke to him softly. "I'll live forever, you know."

He turned his head and his bright blue eyes alighted on her. "You've told me."

At this a bitter laugh escaped her and he almost flinched at the sound of it. How she had changed. "This damned jewel took everything from me. It took me friends, my family, my home, my life, and now it even denies me death. What is there left in this world for me?"

He could hear the desperation in her voice, the torment in her heart. Worriedly, he slid his hand across the short distance between them and wrapped his fingers around her thin wrist. She was in obvious turmoil and… well, it was an awfully long way down.

"That's not true, Kagome, and I think you know that. Please, stay here with us."

She lowered her troubled eyes to their joined hands and smiled cynically. "I don't think you understand, Kouga-kun." And quicker than he could react she pushed herself from the ledge, breaking his tenuous grasp, and plummeted two hundred meters to the rocky earth below.

Through the horrified screams of the children he could barely hear the sickly crunch of bones as her body impacted with the ground. "Kagome!" he yelled futilely and jumped down after her.

In moments he was beside her broken body and was horrified to find her arm twisted in an unnatural angle up over her broken neck and several bones in her legs protruding out through her shins and knees, oozing crimson liquid that dazzled in the morning sun.

He approached her cautiously, afraid to reach out and touch her, but suddenly a radiant pink light surrounded her body and when it faded she was lying there, eyes fluttering about her in disappointment.

Kouga gulped and took a step back. "What…?"

Her sad gray eyes found his. "Do you see now?"

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End file.
